Building a Wall

We all have times where we avoid our reflection in the mirror. Not because we don’t want to see the dark circles or the crow’s feet that seen to have crept overnight around our eyes. We feel responsible for other people, family and friends. People say open up your heart because it’s good to be kind. It makes you feel better. I feel the nicer you are the more people take advantage. Just yesterday somebody trying to pull a fast one on myself and my family. It is one of those situations where you know 99.9% it was done on purpose however that tiny little percentage left it could have been a mistake. Therefore you can’t really say anything because while in your heart you know it was done with wrongful intent, you can’t actually prove it.

I am quite a cynical person and if you are my friend or in my life it is because I trust you. Upon meeting people and we exchange our first greetings I immediately begin to wonder what is in it for them and how they are going to do something malicious to screw my family and myself. It’s not a great feeling to have to know that everyone you first meet there’s no ounce of trust. But it has become a defense mechanism which unfortunately a lot of times it is correct. Maybe it’s because I do think that way and I invite those types of people in my life. Somebody comes sweeping in and suddenly everything is sunshine and roses, and while other people think their luck is changing I immediately wonder when the other shoe is going to drop.And let me tell you something that damn shoe is always dropping.The worst are the people that are already in your life who are imposters; those family members and friends who claim they have your best interest at heart but are only interested in want you can give them . Once you show you have nothing to offer they disappear as quickly as they appeared in the first place .

Should we immediately have a wall up when meeting people? Or should we have at least a few bricks assembled just in case? I suppose I can drive to knock a few cinder blocks down and trying to imagine that not everyone is trying to get the best of me. I am lucky to have found some people who are genuinely exactly who they are. These are people who have helped me and given me opportunities and there is no alternative motive behind their actions. These are the people who give me that glimmer of hope that my cynical and jaded side needs to see once in awhile.

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