All posts by wrathandwriting

I write to give people Joy, so that people can disappear in a book or an article, a poem or anything they read even if it's just a few moments. I want them to walk away with a different feeling in their heart knowing that somebody understands them or what they just read made them smile. Writing is not just cathartic for the person who does it but it's meant to touch the reader. And I want my words to reach out and dig deep into the inner workings of your mind and soul.
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Emilia Clarke Loves Beyonce…But Can We Talk a Moment about The Mother of Dragons Surviving Two Brain Anyerisms?

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Emilia Clarke loves Beyonce (I don’t get it but hey, I am still bitter about Destiny’s Child so to each their own). But instead of everyone freaking out how Clarke was star struck herself about Bey, let’s talk about how this hard-working star suffered two brain aneurysms and underwent surgery while filming and was able to complete a 10-year series.

Yet again, a hard-working female is ignored because a couple of people don’t agree with her adoration of another hard working woman. No matter who you agree with the ending * no end spoilers here*

you cannot disagree with the power and affection her character Daenerys Targaryen held for so many. The surviving member of two… ERM, three Targaryens, had a horrific first wedding night. She was repeatedly raped by a man whom she would eventually grow to love dearly. Her dick brother sold her off for his own gain without a care of what it would take to get his silver haired ass to the Iron Throne and that he threw his little sister to known savages. And while her brother got his just desserts thanks to Khal Drogo (yay Aquaman!) Dany will still always hold dear in my heart as a strong, powerful, and very willful role model.

The Stark Phoenix Rises From the Ashes

I began sneering every time Sansa Stark (Sophia Turner, Xmen’s new Jean Grey/Dark Phoenix) came into view until her horrific story unfolded. We watched a spoiled little girl who witnesses her father’s death evolve into another strong character ( thanks to MORE rape and an abusive relationship with Joffrey and asshat Ramsey. You are killing me, George [Martin]). She now tops my personal list of beloved female characters on a show that, against all odds, took an awful situation and transformed it into a BIG personal plus for Sansa. Although as a woman I do love a good strong female lead, we should not forget the story arcs of are tortured men such as Jon Snow and one of my favorites Theon Greyjoy. Our triumphs, tribulations and our failures all create who we are as people and although these are fictional characters, we can see ourselves within them which is why we relate to them so much.

Between Arya aka Maisie Williams (GoT, Doctor Who) suffering from depression and Dany aka Queen T Emilia Clarke almost dying from blood vessels EXPLODING IN HER HEAD, my Fire and Ice ladies still fight their own demons in real life. This is what we should be discussing; how these women are working tirelessly for our benefit and coming out victorious in the end career-wise and battling very real health issues. We “normal” women struggle with baby dragons of our own (PPD) plus health issues and full time work. While I have never suffered from brain anyerisms, I have been down for the count with major and severe migraines. I can’t even fathom the pain she (Clarke) went through all for the sake of a television show. As someone who understands a deep personal journey which has many twists and turns with great psychological and physical obstacles, let us leave this show knowing that our favorite heroines live on in our hearts even after the end credits role.

So hate on Ms. Clarke if you will because she had stars in her eyes. She will always be the Mother of Dragons and Breaker of Chains in this home.

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When History Repeats Itself After Some Hard Learned Lessons

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Hey…Remember when Hitler won and the world was made up of blonde and blue-eyed non Jews, no LGTBQ peeps, zero Gypsies, no more Polish peeps and it was awesome?

Oh wait yes…yep that’s right. It didn’t happen. Because of that whole he was a genocidal, mentally delusional wacko. And a little war that ended his dystopian fantasy. But wait a minute, here we are facing more laws that narrow down people’s human rights all because dudes in power don’t like other people making their own choices based on their own values.

Yes that was a run on sentence. NO I don’t care. Because I have more important things to freak out about for example, how my two daughters may not be able to have access to birth control to help them, you know, control unwanted pregnancy or help with pelvic diseases such as endometriosis and PCOS. How are you going to say that people should be denied birth control and then get upset that they want abortions for the births that could have been avoided because you took away their birth control? Do you see how ridiculous this whole thing is?

Their thoughts:

Birth control is murder. You take a pill, you ovulate but no fertilization hence no baby. So no bc. But now you had sex and are preggers but don’t or can’t have the baby so you go get an abortion because we said no birth control.

Huh?

Don’t worry Elmo. We are ALL confused. Is this a set up? Are you trying to weed out the women? We create you (unfortunately) bunch of assholes who feel the need to make laws that don’t personally affect you. You live in your big houses, with your wife and children, and you get Healthcare that is phenomenal. All the while the rest of us have to spend 80% of our paychecks on healtcare. Not to mention rent and food and other necessities. Which doubles when you have a baby you didn’t want or can even take care of right now. So have the baby then, correct and adopt it to someone? So, pay for the prenatal care and the birth which can land you in debt itself all because it makes you feel better.

It is not even about you personally not having a uterus so you don’t get a say (but really, you don’t). An abortion is not some easy choice. It is a painful and heartbreaking choice and sometimes necessary. (Rape, generic diseases etc. You know, those “pesky” issues you seem to fice zero shits about). Abortion is physically painful too btw as well as mentally hurtful. Why a woman or a couple or a trans man decides to get one is not your business. What medication someone takes is not your business. And certainly telling people they should abstain is not going to help. So instead of thinking with your ass or bible not everyone believes in, leave the reproductive health issues to the people who can you know, REPRODUCE.

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The Abortion Laws That Should Make You Furious

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Abortion is being made illegal in Alabama and other states and you should be pissed.

Having a baby is a huge decision and life choice. Not having a baby is just as enormous. There are many reasons why a woman would decide on having an abortion, but none of them should involve the government telling her if she is allowed to do so. Making something extremely illegal will encourage people to go out and get it done in other ways, which can be dangerous and life threatening. We have seen this in the opiate epidemic where even the CDC admitted they went a little too far making up the numbers surrounding it. People are buying illegal drugs because they can’t get their own legally.

Having an abortion is not as easy as simply popping a pill. Most doctors won’t take you until you are 6 to 10 weeks pregnant. By then a baby has already started to develop a heartbeat, organs, and buds that will become arms and legs. It’s a difficult choice to end a life. Abortions are no easy decision for anybody and should never be considered such. No matter what your political or religious views are they should not impact somebody else’s decisions. You don’t know why a woman decides to have an abortion. Maybe she is a rape victim or her child will grow up with Tay-Sachs. The child will die a few years after they are born. Would you want to watch your child grow up to the age of 5 only to know that perhaps soon after they will pass away? Nobody has the right to tell you what to do with your body. You may not support abortion but you should support someone’s choices. THEIR choice, not yours. Decisions such as these are throwing women back into a time we’re staying home was the norm and us trying to vote was laughable.

If states are allowed to continue with bans such as this, what other rights could be at risk to be taken away? If you believe they are doing it because they want you to be safe think again. They themselves think it’s morally wrong but they are not the ones who have to carry the child or financially take care of the child. Telling a woman to close her legs or keeping an aspirin between them as birth control is not an answer. This is not even a feminist issue this is a human being issue. Men should be just as furious. Fathers should be just as angry that people are telling their daughter she can’t have an abortion if it could save her life or somebody viciously raped her.

It is time to stop this clock from going backward even further. It’s time to stand up for human rights everywhere.

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#SuicideDue2Pain is a Legitimate Hashtag and That Should Be A HUGE Concern

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Yes, we all know that drugs is a huge problem in this country. Millions of people die from overdoses because of drug abuse and that is a major concern. I have lost many people in my life because drug related overdoses and someone I love dearly was brought back by ER doctors twice, so I understand how horrible drugs can be. But for those of us who deal with chronic pain everyday we are the ones who are suffering. I don’t agree with doctors just handing out prescription after prescription. But that is one of just many problems. Those who need narcotics and other opioids are being denied because of other people’s mistakes. I tremble and shake with pain every single day because I am no longer allowed to be given pain medication that can help my chronic pain.

People are killing themselves from pain. If you have chronic pain or a chronic illness you may have, at least once, had that thought flash into your mind.

This is an absolute disgrace. There are pain sufferers who are willing to take drug tests, they are willing to go to pain management doctors, we are willing to do anything it takes so that we can get proper care to appease everyone else. But who is helping us? The doctor who outright said NO I can’t help you so he sends you to a pain management dr who also says NO. By the way that is their job…to help manage pain in a safe way. So instead people are killing themselves because they can’t function. Or maybe they themselves are now getting drugs illegally because that’s the option now.

Politicans are taking OUR choices away because of of something they don’t understand.

Someone needs to figure it out before the NEXT EPIDEMIC is suicide from lack of medical care.

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#ButYouDontLookSick…But You May Look Like Shit

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Revised

On the online mag all about endo I write for, Do You Endo published a piece I wrote discussing the makeup I like to use. It also explained how people have treated me during my 26 years of dealing with this disease. Rereading has made me realize that there are so many people out there who cover their faces with layers of concealer just to please others. I am one of them. I do it because I really love makeup. Yet I also do it because people can’t keep their pieholes shut about thibgs that don’t concern them. Trying to explain to co workers I was home sick but not contagious was exhausting in itself. I have had people leap away from me when I arrived at work looking green faced from not just endo but actually being sick. No one believed I couldn’t spread it. And none of them believed I was sick at all.

I began to tell them I had an actual sickness that was contagious like the flu.

Endo affects your immune system. I can get fevers when I get a flare. And during my period I can get one of my famous three day long migraines. I am bleeding, puking, and shivering from fever and I definitly look the part of sick girl a lot. So I bought a bunch of makeup. All because people had opinions about my sickish glow (and I was tired of their shitty comments) I put makeup on for them, not me. But the unwanted comments continued anyway. I spent my mornings applying my lipstick, I winged my eyeliner, and highlighted my cheekbones. However instead of being told I look “like shit” I got the “but you don’t look sick” comments. So when I told people I was sick they didnt believe me at all.

So I don’t wear it…I look ill. But I do wear it…I dont look ill enough to take seriously. And that is really the point I was making. Sure makeup to me is fun and I like wearing it. But I stopped wearing it for them and wear it for me. I mean no one at work cares as long as I get the job done. The kid at the supermarket doesn’t care as long as I pay for the food. So I wear it for me and me alone. People get offended when others don’t look presentable enough for their standards. We used to get dressed up to go to a Broadway show or if we went out to dinner. Now people don’t get dressed at all, or to judgemental people they don’t make an effort. We were really dressing up nicely for ourselves because when you’re in a dark theater who the hell can see you anyway?

The point is do it for you. Or don’t. It is YOUR choice. Someone is going to have an issue with you reguardless. Might as well be happy with your own choice.

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Frustrated Incorporated

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There is nothing worse than feeling frustrated with situations that fall completely out of your grasp. Recently I found out my baby boy is autistic. We had to meet a bunch of specialists and fill out these questions about him. I’ve been in the preschool teaching game for over a decade and seven of those years with kids three and under. I know the signs as a teacher. You notice things a child does differently than the others. And I did notice with him. But boys do things at a different speed then girls. So I wasn’t worried. Not really. Well, maybe a little. A lot of the signs of children on the spectrum can also be seen as typical behaviors. Like categorizing toys by size and color. Repeating certain words and not being clear with them. I knew what bothered my son and what didn’t. It would be fine going forward right? Then I started reading pamphlets and websites and began to worry more. It’s like when you have a small ache that hasn’t gone away for a while and you go on Dr. Google and see what it could be. Suddenly after ten minutes of research, you find out you’re dying of some rare disease that only .5% of people ever got in the history of Earth. These sites began talking about the signs and then I am reading about if he needs adult care and how to live with your autistic child forever. I imagined him at fifty and us barely moving thanks to our barely functioning bodies. How could I care for my grown son when my own shit was a struggle to live with? What happens when I’m sick and he needs me? I am already crawling half the day from my endo.

I am in full panic mode after reading this stuff. We don’t know yet what level (if that’s how they measure) he is. I don’t know if he will do well in school all day. I sit with him now, his pale cheeks spotted with bits of dried muffin and he is happy. He is watching videos about dinosaurs and he is naming them all along with colors and shapes, numbers and animals. He loves other kids and he hugs us and yells out “family hugs!” He jumps with excitement when he sees his older sister and they play legos together. I see him as just GG, my middle baby and happy boy. What if some asshole kid with his yellow-toothed punk friends picks on him? What if he hates himself because he is “different”? What if some shitty teacher targets him and flunks him all the time because he learns differently than other kids? My husband and I sometimes dread these scenarios that, of course, have never happened yet. But my mind is on its own, creating this world that may never occur. And I’ve been a parent for a while now and a teacher for a long time. I know this is just how our minds work. All I want to do is protect my kids from anyone who will ever do them harm. I can only wait which sucks 100%. Until then I can watch him enjoy his little life, his love of snuggles and dinosaurs and hope everything will work out.

#TeamGrayson

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My Prism Child: Finding Out Your Child Has Autism

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My son was born a day shy of 38 weeks. I was at work and felt my stomach tighten but no pain. My co worker suggested I go check it out since I was so close to my due date. I called my gyno and she said it was probaly not an issue but I should take a trip to labor and delivery just in case because you never know. To be honest I was glad to; being pregant with a chronic illness is a nightmare though you get a prize of a cute kid at the end. But no amount of snips of snails and puppy dog tails (which is gross by the way) could help me ignore the 9 months of dibilitating migraines and bleeding lesions inside while cooking my baby. Was it worth it? Of course it was. I would serve the Devil himself to have my kids, especially when infertility with endo means many women can’t have children. Having a chronic illness is tough as it is. Then throw growing a human in the mix and it can get rough at times.

In February my son was born. He was perfect in every way. He was checked over by hospital doctors and our pediatrician and given, as my mother says, a clean bill of health. My husband and I were over the moon for our little man. Our daughter wasn’t so thrilled there was a new kid on the block. But now you would never be able to tell. They are the best of buddies. I’m not just saying that either. When she comes home from school (they are four years apart) he screams “Emmie!” and they hug so tightly they fall over. My son loves grabbing us and saying “family hug” and squeezes us with his insanly strong three year old arms. While he avoids his baby sister (for now) he curls up with us for movie nights and because he loves to cuddle. He love animals and dinosaurs and can name what seems to be every animal in the sea. But many of his words sounded garbled and when we call his name many times he ignores us. He loves lining up his cars and separating them into their designated colors.  He throws tantrums that could bring a UFC fighter to their knees and it is hard to soothe him. I’ve spend over 12 years as a preschool teacher, 5 of them with three year olds. I could spot things with my students. That was seven years ago but I still knew milestones and behaviors. Eveyrone knows boys fall behind girls in many areas. He was just frustrated because he may had a delay in speech. My mom thought he had a hearing issue which would explain his frustrations with talking and being understood.

“Your son…is on the spectrum.”

My husband and I heared what my doctor said. My mind began to race to every behavior, every struggle my son had. And it all fell into place. Now it made sense. I felt strange. I can’t describe the feeling other than that. He did a lot of repeatative behaviors and I never noticed they were more than just normal little kid habits. I watched my son play with the trucks in the doctors office. I realized they were all yellow and all angled in the same way.  Kids his age did that anyway but this, my doctor said, this was different. I called the school system earlier in the month to get him evaluated because we knew his speech was delayed.  I guess it was there in my mind, hiding in the back. It doesn’t take anything away from how we feel about him. He is our boy. He’s still and will always be our baby.

Parents of children with disabilities already feel lost sometimes. I can’t always calm his tantrums. My oldest doesn’t always get that her little brother didn’t kick her on purpose while having one of them. But this same child runs to her and yells her name and wraps his arms around her. This is family. This is love. And this is what helps heal the aching of the heart when we are told our child is medically different than the rest. It doesn’t mean it’s bad it just means we have to adapt to him and his world.

People have been supporting us in so many ways for our son’s medical care. Many have contributed to him so this info is for those who asked to help out. For those who have inquired, paypal contributions can go to teamgrayson2016@gmail.com    We thank everyone for all support in all forms.