Tag Archives: endometriosis

When History Repeats Itself After Some Hard Learned Lessons

Hey…Remember when Hitler won and the world was made up of blonde and blue-eyed non Jews, no LGTBQ peeps, zero Gypsies, no more Polish peeps and it was awesome?

Oh wait yes…yep that’s right. It didn’t happen. Because of that whole he was a genocidal, mentally delusional wacko. And a little war that ended his dystopian fantasy. But wait a minute, here we are facing more laws that narrow down people’s human rights all because dudes in power don’t like other people making their own choices based on their own values.

Yes that was a run on sentence. NO I don’t care. Because I have more important things to freak out about for example, how my two daughters may not be able to have access to birth control to help them, you know, control unwanted pregnancy or help with pelvic diseases such as endometriosis and PCOS. How are you going to say that people should be denied birth control and then get upset that they want abortions for the births that could have been avoided because you took away their birth control? Do you see how ridiculous this whole thing is?

Their thoughts:

Birth control is murder. You take a pill, you ovulate but no fertilization hence no baby. So no bc. But now you had sex and are preggers but don’t or can’t have the baby so you go get an abortion because we said no birth control.

Huh?

Don’t worry Elmo. We are ALL confused. Is this a set up? Are you trying to weed out the women? We create you (unfortunately) bunch of assholes who feel the need to make laws that don’t personally affect you. You live in your big houses, with your wife and children, and you get Healthcare that is phenomenal. All the while the rest of us have to spend 80% of our paychecks on healtcare. Not to mention rent and food and other necessities. Which doubles when you have a baby you didn’t want or can even take care of right now. So have the baby then, correct and adopt it to someone? So, pay for the prenatal care and the birth which can land you in debt itself all because it makes you feel better.

It is not even about you personally not having a uterus so you don’t get a say (but really, you don’t). An abortion is not some easy choice. It is a painful and heartbreaking choice and sometimes necessary. (Rape, generic diseases etc. You know, those “pesky” issues you seem to fice zero shits about). Abortion is physically painful too btw as well as mentally hurtful. Why a woman or a couple or a trans man decides to get one is not your business. What medication someone takes is not your business. And certainly telling people they should abstain is not going to help. So instead of thinking with your ass or bible not everyone believes in, leave the reproductive health issues to the people who can you know, REPRODUCE.

#SuicideDue2Pain is a Legitimate Hashtag and That Should Be A HUGE Concern

Yes, we all know that drugs is a huge problem in this country. Millions of people die from overdoses because of drug abuse and that is a major concern. I have lost many people in my life because drug related overdoses and someone I love dearly was brought back by ER doctors twice, so I understand how horrible drugs can be. But for those of us who deal with chronic pain everyday we are the ones who are suffering. I don’t agree with doctors just handing out prescription after prescription. But that is one of just many problems. Those who need narcotics and other opioids are being denied because of other people’s mistakes. I tremble and shake with pain every single day because I am no longer allowed to be given pain medication that can help my chronic pain.

People are killing themselves from pain. If you have chronic pain or a chronic illness you may have, at least once, had that thought flash into your mind.

This is an absolute disgrace. There are pain sufferers who are willing to take drug tests, they are willing to go to pain management doctors, we are willing to do anything it takes so that we can get proper care to appease everyone else. But who is helping us? The doctor who outright said NO I can’t help you so he sends you to a pain management dr who also says NO. By the way that is their job…to help manage pain in a safe way. So instead people are killing themselves because they can’t function. Or maybe they themselves are now getting drugs illegally because that’s the option now.

Politicans are taking OUR choices away because of of something they don’t understand.

Someone needs to figure it out before the NEXT EPIDEMIC is suicide from lack of medical care.

#ButYouDontLookSick…But You May Look Like Shit

Revised

On the online mag all about endo I write for, Do You Endo published a piece I wrote discussing the makeup I like to use. It also explained how people have treated me during my 26 years of dealing with this disease. Rereading has made me realize that there are so many people out there who cover their faces with layers of concealer just to please others. I am one of them. I do it because I really love makeup. Yet I also do it because people can’t keep their pieholes shut about thibgs that don’t concern them. Trying to explain to co workers I was home sick but not contagious was exhausting in itself. I have had people leap away from me when I arrived at work looking green faced from not just endo but actually being sick. No one believed I couldn’t spread it. And none of them believed I was sick at all.

I began to tell them I had an actual sickness that was contagious like the flu.

Endo affects your immune system. I can get fevers when I get a flare. And during my period I can get one of my famous three day long migraines. I am bleeding, puking, and shivering from fever and I definitly look the part of sick girl a lot. So I bought a bunch of makeup. All because people had opinions about my sickish glow (and I was tired of their shitty comments) I put makeup on for them, not me. But the unwanted comments continued anyway. I spent my mornings applying my lipstick, I winged my eyeliner, and highlighted my cheekbones. However instead of being told I look “like shit” I got the “but you don’t look sick” comments. So when I told people I was sick they didnt believe me at all.

So I don’t wear it…I look ill. But I do wear it…I dont look ill enough to take seriously. And that is really the point I was making. Sure makeup to me is fun and I like wearing it. But I stopped wearing it for them and wear it for me. I mean no one at work cares as long as I get the job done. The kid at the supermarket doesn’t care as long as I pay for the food. So I wear it for me and me alone. People get offended when others don’t look presentable enough for their standards. We used to get dressed up to go to a Broadway show or if we went out to dinner. Now people don’t get dressed at all, or to judgemental people they don’t make an effort. We were really dressing up nicely for ourselves because when you’re in a dark theater who the hell can see you anyway?

The point is do it for you. Or don’t. It is YOUR choice. Someone is going to have an issue with you reguardless. Might as well be happy with your own choice.

When Science Fails Us: Funding says Endo Sufferers are Hot AF but Zero Help Looking for Cure

Fifty or so years ago women (more so than today at times) were treated as housewife and baby maker. We weren’t taken seriously. We were heart shaped -asses and, loin of pork making domestics whose opinion was worthless. Working women with families…well forget you. You were awful for choosing work over the family over your HUSBAND. Who would make his ham? Who would fetch his Sunday paper? Your looks needed to be up standards because seriously…who wanted a homely wife? The little woman needed to be feminine but not slutty. Sexy but not whorish. Getting birth control as a single woman caused great concern. Beauty and a thin waist was life.  At this time science was coming to the forefront too, concerns about the effects of smoking and heavy drinking did to you. Everyone smoked. Pregnant women, people in the office, and people on the train lit up.  Life was for the living. Sure we can take a page from Mad Men’s Mr. Draper’s book and live like life was going to end tomorrow. But we grew wiser and more conscientious about certain important issues such as women’s health.

As someone who has endometriosis, I’d much rather my health reflect 2019 and not 1959. I do have a love of red lipstick, sweater that hug all the right places and my great grandma’s cat eye glasses. But fighting for a cure so me and my fellow #endobabes and #endowarriors don’t have to suffer any longer is vital to me. Which is why THIS atrocity of a study makes my blood seethe. Someone thought it was important to fund…yes put money into a study about how women who have endo are more attractive than other women. As if this information means anything. As if it helps anyone. It is demeaning. It is isolating for us who have it. So who gives a fuck if Sarah is pretty but hospitalized because her ovary was twisted and exploded beyond repair. And who cares of Melody can’t ever have kids because a doctor had to scoop out all her reproductive organs. They are pretty. They look good in jeggings.

Are you FUCKING kidding me?

Our disease can hold us back in so many ways. We have lost jobs, babies, relationships, our self-esteem and you Mr. and or Ms. Scientist have wasted time, energy, and funds to say “but hey at least you’re cute”?

I call BULLSHIT. Hell, I scream it. Does anyone care if your brother with cancer is hot? NO. The man has CANCER. He is SICK. He wants to live a normal and healthy life. So get your ass in gear and your fucking head out of the sand and use your resources for something WE CAN FUCKING USE.

I can wear my poodle skirt with pearls and stick my combat boots up your ass. I am a woman who is saying loud and clear this study is shit. My fellow endo warriors are more than that. And shame on you for thinking otherwise.

#Shame

So recently I’ve noticed a trend which I know has been around for a long time but in recent days and weeks, I’ve seen it more. Shaming people for being themselves. Most recently I have witnessed woman shaming among other types but this was super recent.

So the story: A picture or status would pop up on a mutual friends social media and some of us comment on it and we will be banter and argue and sometimes it does get heated. But in the past we have all said our opposite opinions made for good discussions and we respected each other. We all need a good discussion based on our views. And it’s great to share our differences and a little heat in the conversation is always welcome but when it starts to catch on fire it’s time to put it away . Anyway, I’ve noticed not just with me but other women are being called “sluts” or even “cunts” and more recently “liberal/feminist cunt or slut”. We are told to be quiet because we are women. And the worst part is not just being called such names but after the conversation has ended a day or two later this person will come back and keep name-calling. And if we continue spouting our opinions we are then called a “feminist ____” immediately followed with some more derogatory words. Why should I have slanderous words flown at me because I have an opinion just like somebody else does?

Slut. Bitch. Whore. These are the words that stick to us and stick inside us, in our guts and dig at our confidence. My opinion is worth just as much as yours and vice versa. When people say horrendous things and spout them as facts you then know there is nothing you can say that will get through to them even just being pleasant to each other. Even showing statistical data suddenly “the government is going into the internet and changing all the information to suit their needs”. I was shamed a few weeks ago when some women came to our house to discuss their views on their religion. When told we do not practice that religion they then said everyone makes mistakes. You can share your views and we can discuss the differences and what we believe in, but don’t tell me I made a “mistake” because I believe or don’t in something. Women vs women in the name calling department is awful. We should be able to have our own differences but unite based on the fact that we share many things together and embrace our differences. But when you hear such disrespectful talk coming out of a man’s mouth, that goes even beyond machismo and mansplaning…it is frightening. Sure they are only words and that is true, but our history shows that entire nations can be moved by what comes out of even one person’s mouth. Verbal threats can drive-through a woman just as badly as a fist through a wall. It’s more than just feminism or a so-called liberal point of view, it’s speaking with such disgust and hatred that it just drips out of your mouth with toxic distain. Of course you have freedom of speech to back you up and if that’s how you really feel about the people around you whether women, men, or whomever you speak of then it is of course your right. But then don’t become aghast when people fight against it or have equally strong opinions that you say “do not count”. If you choose to accost people with your words then be ready to have those same people defend themselves.

I am OVER the slut shaming. The woman shaming. The “I have a vagina” shaming. Religion shaming. In a recent social media conversation displayed, someone said that women invite rape if you drink too much or dress a certain way and it is your fault if you are a victim. Now we are victim shaming women because let’s see… my dress hem might be a little too high?? My lipstick is too red? If you decided to go to a party and drank a little too much and you are assaulted then well…it is your fault because how dare you try to have fun at a party and trust that your life isn’t torn apart by someone who wants to hurt you! I get stay at home mom shaming and when I worked I got shamed into that too. I am told I am lazy for having a chronic disease I can’t help because there are days I can’t do anything more than get up and get dressed. I have witnessed awful comments about people’s sexuality in a negative way if they support someone or something another person does not approve of. There is too much SHAMING and it is EVERYWHERE.

If you must call me a liberal snowflake feminist whore, then go right ahead. I will not let your words show me who I am Or my tribe of women, men, LGTBQ, or ANYONE who is shamed for being who they are. You can have your opinion of me. But you can’t DEFINE me.

Torrent

It has been a while since I wrote poetry. People who don’t suffer from #chronicpain or #endometriosis or anything mental or physical don’t really understand how it feels. I can only express it through words.

“Torrent”

Werewolf or Moon Goddess?

#Halloween and #DayoftheDead have passed but I still feel a bit…#witchy

I currently wrote about how the moon may affect our Cycles as women. If you are like me then everything in that infinite sky above us fascinates you. Especially that large, white orb that is nestled in the velvety blackness. Can the moon tell our bodies what to do and how to feel? I always felt a connection with my #endometriosis. Every time I would feel crippled with pain, that moon would be shining bright in through the window. Can the lunar cycle be tied with our own? Do we become more creative, desirable, or even tired depending on what phase the Moon is in? Perhaps the next time the moon is out stop and think about how you feel. You never know what you may turn into.