Tag Archives: fightforyou

When History Repeats Itself After Some Hard Learned Lessons

Hey…Remember when Hitler won and the world was made up of blonde and blue-eyed non Jews, no LGTBQ peeps, zero Gypsies, no more Polish peeps and it was awesome?

Oh wait yes…yep that’s right. It didn’t happen. Because of that whole he was a genocidal, mentally delusional wacko. And a little war that ended his dystopian fantasy. But wait a minute, here we are facing more laws that narrow down people’s human rights all because dudes in power don’t like other people making their own choices based on their own values.

Yes that was a run on sentence. NO I don’t care. Because I have more important things to freak out about for example, how my two daughters may not be able to have access to birth control to help them, you know, control unwanted pregnancy or help with pelvic diseases such as endometriosis and PCOS. How are you going to say that people should be denied birth control and then get upset that they want abortions for the births that could have been avoided because you took away their birth control? Do you see how ridiculous this whole thing is?

Their thoughts:

Birth control is murder. You take a pill, you ovulate but no fertilization hence no baby. So no bc. But now you had sex and are preggers but don’t or can’t have the baby so you go get an abortion because we said no birth control.

Huh?

Don’t worry Elmo. We are ALL confused. Is this a set up? Are you trying to weed out the women? We create you (unfortunately) bunch of assholes who feel the need to make laws that don’t personally affect you. You live in your big houses, with your wife and children, and you get Healthcare that is phenomenal. All the while the rest of us have to spend 80% of our paychecks on healtcare. Not to mention rent and food and other necessities. Which doubles when you have a baby you didn’t want or can even take care of right now. So have the baby then, correct and adopt it to someone? So, pay for the prenatal care and the birth which can land you in debt itself all because it makes you feel better.

It is not even about you personally not having a uterus so you don’t get a say (but really, you don’t). An abortion is not some easy choice. It is a painful and heartbreaking choice and sometimes necessary. (Rape, generic diseases etc. You know, those “pesky” issues you seem to fice zero shits about). Abortion is physically painful too btw as well as mentally hurtful. Why a woman or a couple or a trans man decides to get one is not your business. What medication someone takes is not your business. And certainly telling people they should abstain is not going to help. So instead of thinking with your ass or bible not everyone believes in, leave the reproductive health issues to the people who can you know, REPRODUCE.

The Abortion Laws That Should Make You Furious

Abortion is being made illegal in Alabama and other states and you should be pissed.

Having a baby is a huge decision and life choice. Not having a baby is just as enormous. There are many reasons why a woman would decide on having an abortion, but none of them should involve the government telling her if she is allowed to do so. Making something extremely illegal will encourage people to go out and get it done in other ways, which can be dangerous and life threatening. We have seen this in the opiate epidemic where even the CDC admitted they went a little too far making up the numbers surrounding it. People are buying illegal drugs because they can’t get their own legally.

Having an abortion is not as easy as simply popping a pill. Most doctors won’t take you until you are 6 to 10 weeks pregnant. By then a baby has already started to develop a heartbeat, organs, and buds that will become arms and legs. It’s a difficult choice to end a life. Abortions are no easy decision for anybody and should never be considered such. No matter what your political or religious views are they should not impact somebody else’s decisions. You don’t know why a woman decides to have an abortion. Maybe she is a rape victim or her child will grow up with Tay-Sachs. The child will die a few years after they are born. Would you want to watch your child grow up to the age of 5 only to know that perhaps soon after they will pass away? Nobody has the right to tell you what to do with your body. You may not support abortion but you should support someone’s choices. THEIR choice, not yours. Decisions such as these are throwing women back into a time we’re staying home was the norm and us trying to vote was laughable.

If states are allowed to continue with bans such as this, what other rights could be at risk to be taken away? If you believe they are doing it because they want you to be safe think again. They themselves think it’s morally wrong but they are not the ones who have to carry the child or financially take care of the child. Telling a woman to close her legs or keeping an aspirin between them as birth control is not an answer. This is not even a feminist issue this is a human being issue. Men should be just as furious. Fathers should be just as angry that people are telling their daughter she can’t have an abortion if it could save her life or somebody viciously raped her.

It is time to stop this clock from going backward even further. It’s time to stand up for human rights everywhere.

#ButYouDontLookSick…But You May Look Like Shit

Revised

On the online mag all about endo I write for, Do You Endo published a piece I wrote discussing the makeup I like to use. It also explained how people have treated me during my 26 years of dealing with this disease. Rereading has made me realize that there are so many people out there who cover their faces with layers of concealer just to please others. I am one of them. I do it because I really love makeup. Yet I also do it because people can’t keep their pieholes shut about thibgs that don’t concern them. Trying to explain to co workers I was home sick but not contagious was exhausting in itself. I have had people leap away from me when I arrived at work looking green faced from not just endo but actually being sick. No one believed I couldn’t spread it. And none of them believed I was sick at all.

I began to tell them I had an actual sickness that was contagious like the flu.

Endo affects your immune system. I can get fevers when I get a flare. And during my period I can get one of my famous three day long migraines. I am bleeding, puking, and shivering from fever and I definitly look the part of sick girl a lot. So I bought a bunch of makeup. All because people had opinions about my sickish glow (and I was tired of their shitty comments) I put makeup on for them, not me. But the unwanted comments continued anyway. I spent my mornings applying my lipstick, I winged my eyeliner, and highlighted my cheekbones. However instead of being told I look “like shit” I got the “but you don’t look sick” comments. So when I told people I was sick they didnt believe me at all.

So I don’t wear it…I look ill. But I do wear it…I dont look ill enough to take seriously. And that is really the point I was making. Sure makeup to me is fun and I like wearing it. But I stopped wearing it for them and wear it for me. I mean no one at work cares as long as I get the job done. The kid at the supermarket doesn’t care as long as I pay for the food. So I wear it for me and me alone. People get offended when others don’t look presentable enough for their standards. We used to get dressed up to go to a Broadway show or if we went out to dinner. Now people don’t get dressed at all, or to judgemental people they don’t make an effort. We were really dressing up nicely for ourselves because when you’re in a dark theater who the hell can see you anyway?

The point is do it for you. Or don’t. It is YOUR choice. Someone is going to have an issue with you reguardless. Might as well be happy with your own choice.

Frustrated Incorporated

There is nothing worse than feeling frustrated with situations that fall completely out of your grasp. Recently I found out my baby boy is autistic. We had to meet a bunch of specialists and fill out these questions about him. I’ve been in the preschool teaching game for over a decade and seven of those years with kids three and under. I know the signs as a teacher. You notice things a child does differently than the others. And I did notice with him. But boys do things at a different speed then girls. So I wasn’t worried. Not really. Well, maybe a little. A lot of the signs of children on the spectrum can also be seen as typical behaviors. Like categorizing toys by size and color. Repeating certain words and not being clear with them. I knew what bothered my son and what didn’t. It would be fine going forward right? Then I started reading pamphlets and websites and began to worry more. It’s like when you have a small ache that hasn’t gone away for a while and you go on Dr. Google and see what it could be. Suddenly after ten minutes of research, you find out you’re dying of some rare disease that only .5% of people ever got in the history of Earth. These sites began talking about the signs and then I am reading about if he needs adult care and how to live with your autistic child forever. I imagined him at fifty and us barely moving thanks to our barely functioning bodies. How could I care for my grown son when my own shit was a struggle to live with? What happens when I’m sick and he needs me? I am already crawling half the day from my endo.

I am in full panic mode after reading this stuff. We don’t know yet what level (if that’s how they measure) he is. I don’t know if he will do well in school all day. I sit with him now, his pale cheeks spotted with bits of dried muffin and he is happy. He is watching videos about dinosaurs and he is naming them all along with colors and shapes, numbers and animals. He loves other kids and he hugs us and yells out “family hugs!” He jumps with excitement when he sees his older sister and they play legos together. I see him as just GG, my middle baby and happy boy. What if some asshole kid with his yellow-toothed punk friends picks on him? What if he hates himself because he is “different”? What if some shitty teacher targets him and flunks him all the time because he learns differently than other kids? My husband and I sometimes dread these scenarios that, of course, have never happened yet. But my mind is on its own, creating this world that may never occur. And I’ve been a parent for a while now and a teacher for a long time. I know this is just how our minds work. All I want to do is protect my kids from anyone who will ever do them harm. I can only wait which sucks 100%. Until then I can watch him enjoy his little life, his love of snuggles and dinosaurs and hope everything will work out.

#TeamGrayson

When Science Fails Us: Funding says Endo Sufferers are Hot AF but Zero Help Looking for Cure

Fifty or so years ago women (more so than today at times) were treated as housewife and baby maker. We weren’t taken seriously. We were heart shaped -asses and, loin of pork making domestics whose opinion was worthless. Working women with families…well forget you. You were awful for choosing work over the family over your HUSBAND. Who would make his ham? Who would fetch his Sunday paper? Your looks needed to be up standards because seriously…who wanted a homely wife? The little woman needed to be feminine but not slutty. Sexy but not whorish. Getting birth control as a single woman caused great concern. Beauty and a thin waist was life.  At this time science was coming to the forefront too, concerns about the effects of smoking and heavy drinking did to you. Everyone smoked. Pregnant women, people in the office, and people on the train lit up.  Life was for the living. Sure we can take a page from Mad Men’s Mr. Draper’s book and live like life was going to end tomorrow. But we grew wiser and more conscientious about certain important issues such as women’s health.

As someone who has endometriosis, I’d much rather my health reflect 2019 and not 1959. I do have a love of red lipstick, sweater that hug all the right places and my great grandma’s cat eye glasses. But fighting for a cure so me and my fellow #endobabes and #endowarriors don’t have to suffer any longer is vital to me. Which is why THIS atrocity of a study makes my blood seethe. Someone thought it was important to fund…yes put money into a study about how women who have endo are more attractive than other women. As if this information means anything. As if it helps anyone. It is demeaning. It is isolating for us who have it. So who gives a fuck if Sarah is pretty but hospitalized because her ovary was twisted and exploded beyond repair. And who cares of Melody can’t ever have kids because a doctor had to scoop out all her reproductive organs. They are pretty. They look good in jeggings.

Are you FUCKING kidding me?

Our disease can hold us back in so many ways. We have lost jobs, babies, relationships, our self-esteem and you Mr. and or Ms. Scientist have wasted time, energy, and funds to say “but hey at least you’re cute”?

I call BULLSHIT. Hell, I scream it. Does anyone care if your brother with cancer is hot? NO. The man has CANCER. He is SICK. He wants to live a normal and healthy life. So get your ass in gear and your fucking head out of the sand and use your resources for something WE CAN FUCKING USE.

I can wear my poodle skirt with pearls and stick my combat boots up your ass. I am a woman who is saying loud and clear this study is shit. My fellow endo warriors are more than that. And shame on you for thinking otherwise.

Let Women Be Women

When I was told I had endometriosis the word that was bounced around was infertility. Thirty to fifty percent of us who suffer from #endo will have trouble conceiving or not be able to. I was one of the women who could get pregnant without any fertility help. I have talked to many girls in their 20’s who are getting hysterectomies because their pain is so unbearable. Their doctors recommend to take everything out. Then there are those women who are in so much pain that even if there is a small chance of having a child, their suffering takes precedence over anything BUT are denied because they are told they are still within childbearing years. We also know that just because you do take your organs out, doesn’t mean endo isn’t hiding somewhere else. That does not include those women whose organs have been fused together by endometriosis which render them infertile (if found to have affected reproductive organs). In our society, a woman’s identity is almost always tied to having children. We get asked when we are getting married, then when are we having children. Then once we have a child, when are we having another one. We can’t even give birth yet without people asking when is the next one coming. The next one? Can we get the current one out first? After my third child, I got a tubal ligation and my husband got a vasectomy months prior to me giving birth. I had one nurse after my c section asks this famous question of when I’m having the next one. I told her I was done and she said to me that I say that now but I will surely change my mind. To which I replied back I was cut and burned and my husband had a vasectomy. Therefore no, we would not be having a fourth child. This woman kept telling me I would change my mind. And while I know there is a small percentage of women who can still get pregnant after both were surgically sterilized, my insistence of not having another one kept flying past her. Was she seriously getting into an argument with me about having another child? The one I was holding was barely 12 hours old and already I was being told my mind would be changed by somebody else.

Women are also construed as selfish if we chose not to have kids. What about the women who can’t? I have been made to feel guilty for having kids by a few people. How about women who have no desire to become mothers? They are told they are selfish. Do people say what is wrong with a woman who doesn’t want to have a child? We are made to feel guilty no matter what our choices. We already have the world on our shoulders without having to have extra stress about our bodies which is nobody’s business but our own. Financially it is a nightmare for many of us. We make too little to support a family even when are working. The government says we make plenty. We go and get assistance and we are deemed as lazy or unfit because we need help. So many of us wait until we are older which causes complications for our own bodies and the children we carry. Why are we made to look terrible if we ask for help? If there is an income flowing in and out of my house I should not have to be questioned if there is anything I need assistance with like rent or health insurance.
I do not like when people make assumptions about me or my situations. In fact, you don’t even have to make assumptions you can ask me. If there something I choose not to share it’s quite simple I just won’t. But myself, like many of you, do not like it when people just assume about my situation without knowing all the facts. You need to do what is good for you, not listen to your mother law beg for a grandkid or people who are convinced to pray for a miracle. Your suffering means something. You shouldn’t feel guilty for being confused or angry about all this. You have the right to sob endlessly about the choices you face. The point is not to let anyone convince you they know better. Be strong warrior. You got this.