On the online mag all about endo I write for, Do You Endo published a piece I wrote discussing the makeup I like to use. It also explained how people have treated me during my 26 years of dealing with this disease. Rereading has made me realize that there are so many people out there who cover their faces with layers of concealer just to please others. I am one of them. I do it because I really love makeup. Yet I also do it because people can’t keep their pieholes shut about thibgs that don’t concern them. Trying to explain to co workers I was home sick but not contagious was exhausting in itself. I have had people leap away from me when I arrived at work looking green faced from not just endo but actually being sick. No one believed I couldn’t spread it. And none of them believed I was sick at all.
I began to tell them I had an actual sickness that was contagious like the flu.
Endo affects your immune system. I can get fevers when I get a flare. And during my period I can get one of my famous three day long migraines. I am bleeding, puking, and shivering from fever and I definitly look the part of sick girl a lot. So I bought a bunch of makeup. All because people had opinions about my sickish glow (and I was tired of their shitty comments) I put makeup on for them, not me. But the unwanted comments continued anyway. I spent my mornings applying my lipstick, I winged my eyeliner, and highlighted my cheekbones. However instead of being told I look “like shit” I got the “but you don’t look sick” comments. So when I told people I was sick they didnt believe me at all.
So I don’t wear it…I look ill. But I do wear it…I dont look ill enough to take seriously. And that is really the point I was making. Sure makeup to me is fun and I like wearing it. But I stopped wearing it for them and wear it for me. I mean no one at work cares as long as I get the job done. The kid at the supermarket doesn’t care as long as I pay for the food. So I wear it for me and me alone. People get offended when others don’t look presentable enough for their standards. We used to get dressed up to go to a Broadway show or if we went out to dinner. Now people don’t get dressed at all, or to judgemental people they don’t make an effort. We were really dressing up nicely for ourselves because when you’re in a dark theater who the hell can see you anyway?
The point is do it for you. Or don’t. It is YOUR choice. Someone is going to have an issue with you reguardless. Might as well be happy with your own choice.
I went for a normal exam at my lady doctor. I am here now 2 days later in some of the worst pain in my life. Just keeping up with my health is giving me pain. I have a job, three kids, a husband…a LIFE. And a part of it has to be disrupted by #endo. You may not have any health issues (and I hope you do not!)but if you do you may understand the frustration of it all. Waking up and never knowing if today you will be able to function. Or is it a day you spend hiding under the covers on the couch?
1 in 10 women have #endometriosis. I am part of a great community but we are bound by pain and suffering. We could make our own country with the number of #women who have #endo. Maybe we should. Then at least we could have doctors who don’t dismiss our symptoms or family members who tell us to shut up and deal with it. We need to fight for a greater quality of life. I’m still fighting for it. I am fighting for my daughters and my #endosisters and #endobabes. What are you fighting for?
Let’s dive right in to some personal shit. I have endometriosis. It’s an incurable disease that affects a shit ton of women-more than people want to admit. With endo the crap that comes out when you get your period backs up everywhere. No really…everywhere. It can be in your reproductive organs, which is where it usually hides but in really lucky women and I say lucky in a sarcastic way, it hangs out in your lungs or your gallbladder, your rectum or in some women in rare cases your brain. Some women have it and don’t even know about it until they get surgery that’s unrelated because one of these so-called symptoms of endometriosis is infertility. The other awesome symptoms are pain and heavy bleeding and irregular periods. You can get migraines and IBS symptoms, pain when you pee…basically everything that sucks. The PMS you get is multplied by 100 and you have to have a whole plan when your period happens. Most of us carry an entire extra bag of crap with things that help like meds, small cooling and heating pads, things for nausea, and a million pads and tampons to contain the horror that comes out thanks to these lesions caused by endo. These lesions endo can cause grow and they can be cut out or zapped out by lasers. Or these lesions grow and attach themselves to body parts, binding them all together in one sticky mess.
Most of the time doctors have no idea what to do with you. You know those OBGYN’s-their WHOLE job is to learn and treat your lady bits have zero clue how to help. And this disease can cause even the best of doctors to scratch their heads about what to do. SO they suggest things like birth control, hysterectomies, laparoscopies, pain management, having a kid, and it goes on and on. In some women it does help. BUT if you think you have it just know that getting a lap or hysterectomy or birthing a human doesn’t always help. Because the endo hides in other areas (lungs, brain, rectum, ovaries etc everywhere but the spleen). So you get all your parts out…but it comes back. I personally have had 3 surgeries and it all came back. I also had 3 children and the pain was WORSE with each pregnancy. See, if you are lucky to get pregnant with endometriosis you are just focused on that. You spend the whole time worrying if you are going to carry this child full term. Every speck of blood or ache you scrutinize. But I never knew that along with the usual side effects of just being pregnant came the horrible endo side effects too. Yes the pain can ease up. But for me it was ten fold. Twenty fold? A million? I spent six months vomiting all day, fevers, body aches, migraines that left me shivering from the pain. Every light source no matter how dim made me sick. I couldn’t eat. I had insomnia. My back and neck were unbearable. And oh God the cramps…the lesions endo gave me were stretching and tearing. I couldn’t get off the couch without sobbing. I would wake up from whatever sleep I did get in massive agony. It was an endless physical nightmare. Awaiting your child’s arrival should be exciting. This disease does not care about that. It just attacks healthy organs and leaves you fighting day after day.
So that’s the disease I have had torturing me for 26 years. I complain A LOT about it. Sorry. But in any case my hope is to educate anyone who will listen and anyone who thinks they have it.
So go on the google. It’s not in your head if you feel these symptoms . Speak up. And I’m here listening.
Check out a down to earth no bs site about it: