Tag Archives: Njauthor

When History Repeats Itself After Some Hard Learned Lessons

Hey…Remember when Hitler won and the world was made up of blonde and blue-eyed non Jews, no LGTBQ peeps, zero Gypsies, no more Polish peeps and it was awesome?

Oh wait yes…yep that’s right. It didn’t happen. Because of that whole he was a genocidal, mentally delusional wacko. And a little war that ended his dystopian fantasy. But wait a minute, here we are facing more laws that narrow down people’s human rights all because dudes in power don’t like other people making their own choices based on their own values.

Yes that was a run on sentence. NO I don’t care. Because I have more important things to freak out about for example, how my two daughters may not be able to have access to birth control to help them, you know, control unwanted pregnancy or help with pelvic diseases such as endometriosis and PCOS. How are you going to say that people should be denied birth control and then get upset that they want abortions for the births that could have been avoided because you took away their birth control? Do you see how ridiculous this whole thing is?

Their thoughts:

Birth control is murder. You take a pill, you ovulate but no fertilization hence no baby. So no bc. But now you had sex and are preggers but don’t or can’t have the baby so you go get an abortion because we said no birth control.

Huh?

Don’t worry Elmo. We are ALL confused. Is this a set up? Are you trying to weed out the women? We create you (unfortunately) bunch of assholes who feel the need to make laws that don’t personally affect you. You live in your big houses, with your wife and children, and you get Healthcare that is phenomenal. All the while the rest of us have to spend 80% of our paychecks on healtcare. Not to mention rent and food and other necessities. Which doubles when you have a baby you didn’t want or can even take care of right now. So have the baby then, correct and adopt it to someone? So, pay for the prenatal care and the birth which can land you in debt itself all because it makes you feel better.

It is not even about you personally not having a uterus so you don’t get a say (but really, you don’t). An abortion is not some easy choice. It is a painful and heartbreaking choice and sometimes necessary. (Rape, generic diseases etc. You know, those “pesky” issues you seem to fice zero shits about). Abortion is physically painful too btw as well as mentally hurtful. Why a woman or a couple or a trans man decides to get one is not your business. What medication someone takes is not your business. And certainly telling people they should abstain is not going to help. So instead of thinking with your ass or bible not everyone believes in, leave the reproductive health issues to the people who can you know, REPRODUCE.

#ButYouDontLookSick…But You May Look Like Shit

Revised

On the online mag all about endo I write for, Do You Endo published a piece I wrote discussing the makeup I like to use. It also explained how people have treated me during my 26 years of dealing with this disease. Rereading has made me realize that there are so many people out there who cover their faces with layers of concealer just to please others. I am one of them. I do it because I really love makeup. Yet I also do it because people can’t keep their pieholes shut about thibgs that don’t concern them. Trying to explain to co workers I was home sick but not contagious was exhausting in itself. I have had people leap away from me when I arrived at work looking green faced from not just endo but actually being sick. No one believed I couldn’t spread it. And none of them believed I was sick at all.

I began to tell them I had an actual sickness that was contagious like the flu.

Endo affects your immune system. I can get fevers when I get a flare. And during my period I can get one of my famous three day long migraines. I am bleeding, puking, and shivering from fever and I definitly look the part of sick girl a lot. So I bought a bunch of makeup. All because people had opinions about my sickish glow (and I was tired of their shitty comments) I put makeup on for them, not me. But the unwanted comments continued anyway. I spent my mornings applying my lipstick, I winged my eyeliner, and highlighted my cheekbones. However instead of being told I look “like shit” I got the “but you don’t look sick” comments. So when I told people I was sick they didnt believe me at all.

So I don’t wear it…I look ill. But I do wear it…I dont look ill enough to take seriously. And that is really the point I was making. Sure makeup to me is fun and I like wearing it. But I stopped wearing it for them and wear it for me. I mean no one at work cares as long as I get the job done. The kid at the supermarket doesn’t care as long as I pay for the food. So I wear it for me and me alone. People get offended when others don’t look presentable enough for their standards. We used to get dressed up to go to a Broadway show or if we went out to dinner. Now people don’t get dressed at all, or to judgemental people they don’t make an effort. We were really dressing up nicely for ourselves because when you’re in a dark theater who the hell can see you anyway?

The point is do it for you. Or don’t. It is YOUR choice. Someone is going to have an issue with you reguardless. Might as well be happy with your own choice.

Distractions

Lately I feel swallowed up by life. It keeps overwhelming me and there isn’t anything I can really do for it. Well I CAN but sometimes I just need to be grumpy. Don’t we all? I can be mopey and reserve my pity party of one. And sometimes I do. People who once supported me in my endeavors have faded away. And while I find myself sad by it, I have to realize I myself am the only who who can persevere through it. How? I honestly have no clue. The hands I held for security are gone. So I must hold my own. When you are stuck in a rut you may find yourself looking around for someone else to toss in that life jacket. I am slowly learning I have to learn how to swim. If you are lucky enough to find your saving grace you grab hold.

There are soooo many ways people tell you to hold your own. Don’t feel sad. Don’t be so upset. Cheer up. But while you flounder during your path to find yourself there are things you can do to cheer yourself up. For one, I read. Escaping in someone else’s world even for a while can help you push some of that negative crap away.

Take a drive. I find a neighborhood with those great old Victorian homes and I gawk. The architecture, the history…it is all.amazing to me. But don’t gawk too much. You don’t need to explain to the cops you’re just staring at people’s home. Akward.

Binge watch something. Sometimes you need to shut your mind off. Recommendation? My new Netflix fav “Nailed It!”

Arts and crafts. So what if you hot glue your fingers together? Go find your inner Martha and make something amazing. Or something awful. Just make something. Go to the dollar store and let go.

Bubble bath. Bath bombs are amazing. They are fizzy. They smell great. What’s not to love?

Cook. I recently baked banana bread. Grab a subscription (I love Blue Apron) and cook something. It occupies your time and you create a gourmet meal that’s insta worthy

Don’t count on other people to make you happy. It’s not cynicism. Ok maybe a bit. But YOU count too. It is OK to be a little self absorbed once in while especially when you find yourself stretched thin with work, the kids, and all those other responsibilities. Distract yourself in a good way. There is nothing wrong making yourself happy.

Werewolf or Moon Goddess?

#Halloween and #DayoftheDead have passed but I still feel a bit…#witchy

I currently wrote about how the moon may affect our Cycles as women. If you are like me then everything in that infinite sky above us fascinates you. Especially that large, white orb that is nestled in the velvety blackness. Can the moon tell our bodies what to do and how to feel? I always felt a connection with my #endometriosis. Every time I would feel crippled with pain, that moon would be shining bright in through the window. Can the lunar cycle be tied with our own? Do we become more creative, desirable, or even tired depending on what phase the Moon is in? Perhaps the next time the moon is out stop and think about how you feel. You never know what you may turn into.

Destress

Ask my husband-I am overly stressed. I mean I am driving him absolutely nuts to where he is scolding me to stop stressing out and it’s stressing me that he stressed. I am trying to do my work and the simplest thing is churning my guts. Usually he can calm me down but lately he can’t.

I get shaken easily. Maybe it is because the last professional writing experience left me doubting myself. The positive aspect I was told was “you are a good writer” so I suppose that is something. I wasn’t taught in a field I openly admitted to having zero experience. And I was told it was absolutely fine I will be guided through any mistakes I make. We all make mistakes, that’s how we learn. And as a self proclaimed nerd I love to learn. It won’t be perfect and I know that. But I want everything to go smoothly because who likes that acid bubbling in your stomach feeling? Yes…you know THAT feeling.

So I am taking my husbands advice and trying to distress. After my post the other day about story cubes I found these beauties:

(Flower and rocks not included). I bought them a looooong time ago but flipping through them I recalled my college days and those great creative writing classes I took. I bought these hoping, like the cubes, I would get some inspiration. Those post it tags say that I did.

  • Halloween
  • Magic
  • Urban legend
  • A poll about people contacting the devil
  • Writing from the POV of a murderer

Bit of theme there. But just flipping through those thick pages I remembered it isn’t about end of the journey. It is how you get there. No one wants to hear “…and I got to the top.” We want to listen to the adventures along the way. So we can write a story about a magician pulling a rabbit from his hat. But how did he become a magician? What kind of rabbit? Where did they first get together? Those rabbits are snarky little things. There is no way she came because she was told. Must have been something in it for her besides hanging around in a sweaty top hat.

I going to thumb through my blocky books trying to recapture that other feeling I get while writing: thrill. Maybe that will override the nervouseness I get while attempting to get it right. Although I mostly write fiction. If I don’t I guess I can just make it up!

Click on my picture to meet me! My name is Willamena and I live in the cemetery in a crypt with my undead parents…

“Willamena was born with something that her family was quite unfamiliar with… a small but fluttering heartbeat”

Willamena is more than just a story I wrote. It’s a representation of my younger self, a young girl who never had confidence but found her way in this world because she embraced her uniqueness. This colorful children’s book follows  Willamena Webbs who was born on October 31st. Her mother is a vampire but also Dr. Velma Webbs, a dentist who specializes in vampire Dentistry. Her father William is Undead also. He is a zombie contractor. He helps the neighbors find their new “digs” and welcomes them to the neighborhood. Willamena is surrounded by her loved ones; parents who are career and family oriented, her ghostly grandma, and the luminescent pet Bone Bunny. Her parents are quite shocked when Willamena is born with her heart beating but they love her no matter what.

In a society where we find more news stories about children being bullied and picked on, our kids may feel alone because they see themselves as different. Willamena is a beacon of uniqueness and the beauty that comes with it. Let us show our children that our differences are incredible and make us who we are.  Who wants to be the same as everyone else? Let them SHINE.

You can find my debut book “Willamena” on:

Author House

Amazon

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Sleepy Hollow NY
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